Like most Tuesdays, I spent most of the day on a busman’s holiday in deep space. My hosts were kind enough to give me a lift to Earth, but the ship crash-landed off the coast of Malta somewhere around 1984 at about 4 AM.
I dragged myself out of the Atlantic Ocean and headed for the nearest cathedral. Nice place; high ceilings, lots of marble. You can see why the Templars felt so inspired. There’s something about fine architecture that just makes one feel high and mighty.
Some cracks in the foundation were enough of an invitation to the cathedral’s subterranean catacombs for me to immediately let myself in.
Hey, you never know how a Monsignor is going to react to a damp biker of a different faith at 4 AM. Especially with the sound of gunfire ringing through the streets. Sometimes the better part of valor involves availing yourself of Christian charity without letting the Christians know they’re being charitable. If I was found, I could always claim to be a homeless guy; not entirely inaccurate, and I’d been routinely mistaken for a real indigent at my last job, so I knew I could pull it off. The bishops, if they found me, would throw me right out of course, but at least I would be less likely to have to deal with bullet holes in my vest.
Bishops prefer blunt instruments and knives; there’s a Time Travel Top Tip for you.
I made a nest out of robes and surplices I found lying around and settled in for the night. There was some kind of vigil or other going on; under the watchful eyes of a human skull and a live alligator, I was lulled to sleep by an endless chant in a low register.
You might think it odd for a devout pagan to enjoy Gregorian chant, but I’ve found that when it comes to the names by which the divine is addressed, the divine cares far less than mortals do.
Anyway, the following morning I woke up in 1961. I disguised myself as a monk and hitched a ride on a nuclear submarine. Breakfast aboard ship was oatmeal and coffee; it was good, but the goodness was not as surprising as the fact that the sub had windows. It was a little odd that they navigated to Cape Canaveral by way of the Antarctic, but I try not to question the ways of others. At least, not harshly.
Weather continues fair. A little warmer than you might think.